Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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