it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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