one might say we're banned from that church
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
