I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
