Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
