Even my vagina gasped.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
