You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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