Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
