apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
