My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
