He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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