I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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