Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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