she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
