I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Where did you get a picture of my penis
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have already put on my inside pants.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
