I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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