I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
