I'm gonna have a badass scar
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
