I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Send help, water and tortillas.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
