if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
