just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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