Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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