I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You're like the curious george of whores
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
