Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
