you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
