We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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