Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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