Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
