Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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