I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
