I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
