your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
