that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
