; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
