Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
