She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
