if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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