Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
