wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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