I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
