The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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