the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
