Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What a dumb baby whore.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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