you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
