Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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