Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
