Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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