I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
