he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
do herpes really smell.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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