I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The adults are the big ones right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
