Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
